Is 'nothing'

So here's what I want to write about tonight. You know when tears are falling down your eyes, or when you're feeling upset and someone comes up to you and asks you "what's wrong" and you reply "is nothing", yea that's what I want to write about tonight. Why do we do that? Why is it that we find it so hard to be honest with people? Is it that we don't want people to know the thoughts that truly make us vulnerable or are we just people that don’t like to make a fuss? Ok, let’s make this a bit more personal, if this is something that you do, why do you do it? Is it a case of trust? Or do you feel like your problems will only burden people; hey don’t say that’s crazy, some people think that way. Some people feel like their problems are burdens to others so they rather keep things to themselves than share it, and for these people, when something is wrong with them, no matter how obvious it is, they will always tell you, ‘is nothing’. Are you one of those people? If so where do you think that mind-set stems from? I'm just asking questions, REMEMBER THIS IS TO WHOEVER, it could be to the person that reads this in 2015 lol!, let’s just chat, why not? Let me sketch a poem about this, will be a scenario piece

"Is nothing, I'm fine"

“I said is nothing so leave it yea!".

She sighed, her head lowered as though she was uttering a silent prayer to heaven for me.

She's never been good with obscurity, she's always been a say everything or nothing kind of person. "Well ok" she says, "if you say you're fine then I guess you are fi-"

"FINE"! I didn't let her complete her sentence, the words sort of skipped out my mouth, excited to shut her up.



Her legs hung loosely from our chairs,

Why did I ask her to seat with me if I was going to withhold information? Why did I ask for this attention if I didn't want to have this conversation?

Something in me wants to weep in her arms, let her know what's wrong

Something in me wants to hold her hand, explain I don't need to hear a sound, just want her to understand my silence

Something in me wants to open up but I'm scared, confused, anxious; wondering if opening up will lead to regrets

Lost in my thoughts I hear her voice gently question:

"Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

"Yep, nothing is wrong, I’m fine, don't mind me I'm always fine"

A small smile spreads across her face, she didn’t believe the lie but she got the message

There was no way I was going to open up and spill

Here’s to hoping my 'i'm fines' were prophetic  

Hmmm

Tonight I'm feeling quite emotional, you know when your emotions are telling you to do one thing but your mind, self respect and common sense are telling you to do another! Help Jesus! Need to have scripture sieve through these thoughts of mine. The Philippians scripture is a good sieve for our minds in it, ladies when the emotions cry let the Word cry louder man, got to stand FIRM in this joint looool!

Submission

I wish I know what I am trying to say in this poem but I don’t. So will put it up now and fix it tomorrow hehehhehehe, best to put it up now than never loool. So this is the last for tonight. Now I can go to bed, hey at least I've tried!

Submission tastes wonderful

Tastes sweet

Taste bitter indeed


Submission feels wonderful

Takes will

Takes self-control indeed


Submitting is powerful

It's meek

It's humble

Is discipline

It's easy

It’s hard

It’s a decision

A command

It's an action of love


Submissions for the weak

The strong

The helpless

The courageous

The ones that know

The ones that don’t

Really is for all

Sleeping dogs lie

You whispered hello

Yet your silent whisper sent loud echoes into my mind awakening memories that ought to have died

Clearly you don’t want to let sleeping dogs lie

ONION WORDS LEADS TO LAYERS OF THOUGHTS

Ok so now I'm having fun. I understand these are not my best piecies but I love writing short things that are fun for me to do! This one is called: ONION WORDS, I had fun writing this lool



I guess I'm an onion thinker

Layers of thoughts to get through

I believe his every sentence carries more than he makes it out too

So I find myself peeling away

at every little thing he says

Only to find my peeling and digging leaves me wet eyed again and again

It's simply fascinating the way I interpret every thought

Every misconception gradually builds up

Till I get to the point where I can't take it anymore

And tears start flowing down my eyes when I reach an assumed core

ANGEL?

Ok so here's the deal, in all honesty I lost it towards the end so that’s why the poem is like this. I will fix it when I can. Is hard to write when you are making the situation up loool, but I had a good go...I watched 'The preachers wife' (by now you can tell I love movies), and the fact that it had an angel in it (whom I thought was doggy lol but that’s another story lol) led me to write this, in a weird twisted way lool.

Had you been the angel I thought you were,

Your words would have been truth

You would have been sent, so your words would have birthed fruit that’s good

You would have brought comfort instead of pain

And when I was afraid

You would have said those four words angels say: ‘do not be afraid'

Your 'do not be afraid' would have brought sweet solace to me

But you weren’t the angel I thought you were

You spoke lies, words designed to shatter

Words designed to breed fear

You had a mission

To deliver a painful lesson

That being stubborn

Will lead to heartburn

Well mission well done

See had you been the angel I thought you were

You would have had a plan

No not your own

You would have been schooled in his

You would have known the path that leaded to righteousness and so be eager for it

But you loved the world more than me

You became my excuse

“the boy made me do it” clearly became easy for me to say

Suppose the “serpent” made you did what you did but that’s another story lool

Anyways had you been the angel I thought you were you would have been perfect

But seeing that you are human like I am

You, me, we have grace to repent

Like ordinary humans with an extraordinary bail out and a call to repentance

So I'll think on the great human privilege, forgiveness, forgive you because you, me, we are only human

To Whoever!

To whoever!



I haven’t blogged in a WHILLLE. Anyways I stopped connecting with things I did for a while (like poetry) so I stopped blogging. Things are much better when you put your heart into it. So I’m going to use this blog as something like an online diary and see what happens. That means I'll write all sorts on here, good, bad, ugly. I don’t care lol. Just going to allow myself to be me on here and if anyone can relate that will be great. All I know is whatever I do on here I want my heart to be connected to it.



So what’s fun to write about today.......?



I'm FINALLY OUT OF RETAIL! WHOOOP WHOOOP!


Whilst working in retail I've met some lovely people and some not so lovely people, but heck the experience was worth it.


Anyways I'm out of retail and about to venture into the wonderful world of charity work. Hope it all works out, either way guess whoever is reading my blog will be finding out.



I like to write in the night, good fun.



Going to share some poems I wrote today then I will be off to bed.



PS: I just watched TYLER PERRY'S MOVIE 'I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF' and I LOVE IT! A must see!



Night, night.